Jump Into The River

The child you see today

will not be here tomorrow.

The child arriving home from school, 

is different from the one

who left from home this morning.

Every moment is a death

of all that has gone before,

and a birth

of all that is to come.

You must jump into the river

and let it carry you on its journey.
If you try to stop it

you will drown.

- from the Tao Ching

Parenting = extraordinary joy + bittersweet grief.

This month, 2 of my kids will be having birthdays.  They will turn 5 and 7.  

five and seven.

While I'm so full of joy to be celebrating their life and growing another year older with them, I'm full of grief that my babies are doing simply just that - growing another year older.

I hate that I feel this way.  
I hate that I feel like I am constantly struggling with these emotions - balancing on the fence, wobbling back and forth between happiness and sadness.

How can I truly behold a joyful moment if I'm so busy trying to cling to what is fleeting?

Everything changes, nothing stays the same.

A few weeks ago, grandpa was rough housing with Mason and grandpa said "Dude, watch my hangy down parts".  Well, Makayla obviously picked up on that, because the next day, she asked me "Why does grandpa call his penis a hangy down part?  Does he not want people to know that he has a penis?".

A few nights ago, an ambulance sped down our street.  Upon hearing the sirens, the kids ran to the window.  After the ambulance passed our house, Mia turned around.  Her brows were furrowed and she threw her hands up in the air asking "Why didn't the ambulance throw out candy?!".

At least once a week, Mason will say to me "feel this..." and he'll wrap his arms around me and give me a big hug.  Then he'll ask me if that felt sweet.

My kids.
These conversations.
These questions.
These gestures.

They'll never be again.
Sure, my kids all exhibit special characteristics that make my heart pitter patter and I look forward to watching these special characteristics and traits grow along with them in life -

but the level of love and curiosity and naiveity that are present today with my kids will be different tomorrow and the next day and the next.

And if I can just come to terms with 

everything changes, nothing stays the same

I think I'll be okay.
There will be a lifetime of moments that I'll want to cling to...but I'll have to let go.

Move from one to another.

Move from one joyful moment to the next.

Immerse myself in each moment as it comes along - and then keep going.

...Every moment is a death

of all that has gone before,

and a birth

of all that is to come.

You must jump into the river

and let it carry you on its journey.
If you try to stop it

you will drown.

Our New Home

It all started on June 26th, 2014.

We were vacationing in Florida.

The kids were napping.

Kevin was down at the beach snorkeling.

And I was relaxing on our balcony - going back and forth between people watching, reading my book (gone girl), and resting my eyes.

At one point, during my quiet time, I logged onto realtor.com because that's what I do did all.of.the.time.

Scrolling through houses, I came upon this one -

4 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a lot of space.

I wanted it...and from that point on, on June 26th, we did everything we could to make sure this house would be ours.

...and on October 17th, 113 days later, we moved into our new home.

And I'm telling you - those 113 days were rough.  I think I actually got my first stress headache... :)

Yet, as stressful as it was, I know in my heart, it was meant to be.

Buyers for our old house came along at just the right time and everything, step by step, fell into place just as it should.

it was just tough because i wanted to know every single detail of every single step along the way.  it's important for me to know exactly what is going on at all times...especially when it involves my money. i'm sure our realtor and lender celebrated huge when they were done working with us (especially done working with ME)!

But it's funny, how something we wanted so badly and something we worked so hard for, that the day we moved into our new home, at the end of the day as the sun was setting, all I wanted to do, was go home.

I wanted to go back to our old house - the house that I called home for 10 years.  The house that I put my babies to bed in every night.  The house that I knew from ceiling to floor and wall to wall.  The house that I wanted so desperately to move out of for so long.  That's the house that I wanted to go back to. 

Funny how things are.

You don't think about how much things really change when you move.  Your whole life changes.  Everything you had known and all the ways in which you did things comes to a stop and you have to find a new way.  That may sound a little exaggerated, but it's the truth.  

Something that made me laugh - our old house had one bathroom.  One tiny bathroom.  Our new home has 3 bathrooms.  Well, for the first couple of weeks in our new home, we all convened in one bathroom together.  We all got ready in the morning in that one bathroom, we all showered in that one bathroom, we all brushed our teeth in that one bathroom...because that's what we were conditioned to do - share one bathroom.  Finally, though, as time has gone on, we've spread our wings and began occupying the other bathrooms.

Despite the homesick feeling I had for a couple of days, I love our new home and each day it's becoming more and more ours.  Our new home is a project we'll be able to work on in years to come - it's a beautiful home and has everything that we want in a home for our family...it just needs updating and we're looking forward to updating it throughout the years.

Some of the little things I love about our home are:

(pardon the mess in the pictures, as we're a work in progress right now)

our fireplace

this pretty cool lamp that was left.  i refuse to get rid of it.

these little windows.  

this is the view from the family room in the basement.  the dining room is on the other side of the windows, upstairs.

i love the character it adds.

our view.
an open field.

the climbing tree for our kids.

And there's other things that I like such as our sparkling ceilings, a sliding glass door that leads out to our patio, our own bathroom in our bedroom, a toy room for the kids, the dimming lights in the bathroom and dining room...

I love our new home and it still feels like a dream that it actually happened....that we actually did it.

We've been able to get a few things done over the last month while being here.

We've been able to replace a couple of the kitchen appliances and get a majority of the family room in the basement completed.

This was before: 

and this is after:

we've painted and laid hardwood flooring.

It's still a work in progress, but it's almost done. 

Right now, we're also working on the toy room.

We've pulled up the carpet and we're getting ready to paint the walls and lay new carpet.  

The kids picked out the paint they wanted so pretty soon, we'll be putting them to work to get the job done!

I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for where we are and what we have.

I'm thankful for the MANY lessons I have learned over the past 4.5 months.

I'm thankful for our family and friends who helped us though the move with packing, moving, and unpacking.

We could not have done it without you.
I'm especially thankful for my parents and Kevin's parents.  They have gone above and beyond in all ways to make this transition as easy as possible for us.
And I can't leave out my sister and Scott.  I will be forever grateful that the Cardinals lost a game, which placed Kristina and Scott in Lincoln on our move in day.  

I read somewhere once that moving demands a brave heart and a bold spirit.

The idea of turning away from the old (in our case, especially when it's so good) and embracing the unknown is something that brings out a lot of emotions, but, you know what they say...

if you do not go after what you want, you'll never have it.

or 

take into account that great love and great achievements

 involve great risk.  dalai lama

or

the what ifs and should haves will eat your brain. john o'callaghan

or 

sometimes following your heart means losing your mind.

So, there you have it.

Our new home.

Lazy, Crazy, Hazy...Summer Daze

Lazy days 

mixed in with

Crazy days

mixed in with 

Hazy days

(although i have to say that we have been incredibly blessed with a not-so-miserably-hot summer)!

Henry David Thoreau once said

"One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter."

...and I think we've done a pretty good job (so far) on fueling up for the winter! 

A trip to the ocean where we enjoyed sandy feet and salty kisses,

Climbing trees,

Mastering handstands,

Running a 5K Warrior Dash,

Devouring enough watermelon to feed all the 'starving kids in southeast asia'
(quote from Dirty Dancing, right?...which by the way, is a movie that my 5 year old is begging to watch),

Watching sunsets - beautiful, beautiful sunsets,

Relay for Life,

Singing cicadas - that are so loud, become deafening at times,

Picking flowers (and weeds) to put in vases,

Sunbathing (people watching) - their mother's children...

Catching critters - tadpoles, crickets, fish - and having tanks and cages all around the yard,

Riding bikes, practicing without training wheels,

Swimming,

Swimming,

and more swimming,

Catching lightening bugs,

Picnics,

Ice cream and popsicles in the backyard,

Cookouts,

Sprinklers,

Piano lessons

Watching storms roll in,

Listening to thunder,

Becoming mesmerized by lightening,
Making new friends,

Lake of the Ozarks,

The fair,

Riding rides, 

Cheese on a stick,

Sweet corn,

Water Parks,

water parks,

and more water parks,

Splash Parks,

Plucking and picking fruit,

Bare feet,

Late night walks,

Putting up pony tails

(my baby looks like a little girl)

**Just Loving Life**

What's been our favorite part about summer?

Kevin - Hanging out with the kids, taking the kids to the racetrack, going to Florida, going to the Ozarks.
Tracy - Driving through the country with the windows down, watching the fields twinkle with fireflies, and smelling the country air.  And, of course, spending time with my kids!
Makayla - Praciting riding my bike without training wheels.

Mason - Swimming in the pool.

Mia - Pool.

We're preparing for a camping trip this weekend, and then I think I can officially say that our summer will gently be winding down.

The Fourth

How did we celebrate the 4th of July this year?
With...

our traditional tie-dying of shirts,

water fight with a fire truck,

lots of cousin time for the kids,

watermelon and sugar cookies,

sparklers and smoke bombs,

fireworks, 

and beautiful weather.

Our Fourth through pictures:

Mia really getting into dying her shirt!

Water fight with the fire truck.
Still, this year, this kids just prefer the mist from the water...

 Fun with family and friends.

We're so thankful to have had the boys from the south join us this year!
The kids really enjoyed spending time with their cousins, Tyler and Brennan, and they added a sweet touch to our memories this year!

We tried and tried to get a picture of all the cousins together - 

Where's Kole?

 Where's Mia?

 Here's one with all of them.  Just think...next time, there will be one more to join the group - Reagyn!

The night was full of food, family, friends, fun, and fireworks!

The next day we woke up to a traditional breakfast of mush at Grandma and Grandpa Curry's while the kids set off more smoke bombs.

We all ate lunch together at the bowling alley - Curry Party of 15 -

and then Kevin and I ended the day at Grady's Family Fun Park with the kids.

We've had a great weekend celebrating the Fourth and spending time with family we don't get to see near often enough.

"I thank god for my life
And for the stars and stripes
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.
Salute the ones who died
The ones that give their lives
So we don't have to sacrifice
All the things we love"

-Zac Brown Band

Welcome, Sweet Summertime

The start of our summer 2014

(lake of the ozarks

grandma and grandpa allen's lake house) -

FISHING 

mason loved it, makayla enjoyed it but was desperate to get the fish back in the water asap because they were babies and she didn't want their gills to dry up and have them pass away, and mia was cool with it from a distance.

SWIMMING 

swimming in ice cold water, playing in the sand, and looking for cool rocks.

BOATING 

i loved watching the kids get pure joy out of riding on the boat...especially when grandpa went fast!

TUBING

makayla was comfortable going tubing with grandpa...and mason was brave enough to go all by himself.  it brought lots of laughter to see his little body bobbing up and down in the tube as he hit the waves all by himself!

FEEDING FISH

the kids love feeding the huge carp that hang out by the restaurants.

SETTING CATERPILLARS FREE

makayla found a caterpillar and decided to keep it as a pet for the morning.  he had to go on the boat with us, we had to take food out to him on the boat to eat while we were at breakfast, and we had to keep him sheltered with towels and shoes while we were going fast on the boat so he wouldn't blow away.  makayla said she could tell by the way his eyes looked that he was just born.

...just imagine the sadness and tears that seeped from her when we told her that she couldn't take him home because he needed to stay at the lake with his family and friends...

WATCHING FIREWORKS OVER THE LAKE 

picking a spot high on a hill, over the lake, and above the city lights, we enjoyed 8 minutes of fireworks at dusk.

BEING A "GUY" 

funny how proud daddy and grandpa get when mason pees off of the deck.

RELAXING 

fun in the sun wore my babies out.

ENJOYING COOL DRINKS 

nothing better than refreshing drinks under the sun.  

kiddie drinks and grown-up drinks...

BEING HAPPY 

WATCHING SUNSETS 

life is good

 MAKING MEMORIES 

looking forward to many more summer trips with the kids to the ozarks throughout the years...

LOVING LIFE

our "normal"

Here's to celebrating summer - sun drenched days and starlit nights!

-Gooseberry Patch

P.S. 

WATERMELON
what's summertime without watermelon?!
mia enjoying a slice of watermelon at grandma and grandpa curry's house and can't "CHEESE" big enough or loud enough!