Fishy In The Deep Blue Sea

The other night at swimming lessons, Makayla and I had a very tender moment...

Makayla and I were sitting on the bleachers waiting for her class to start.  Mia was asleep in her seat next to us and daddy and Mason were walking around the pool.  

After a couple of minutes of waiting and watching the kids in the earlier class, Makayla got up, stood in front of me, and put her hands on my knees.

She said "mommy, I don't want you to grow old like a grandma".  When I asked her why she said "because I love you".  Then she hugged me.

Really?

I wanted to cry.

Suddenly, the room became one big blurred mumbled bubble.  Does she relate growing old to end of life and doesn't want me to grow old?  That may be a silly thought, but that's all I could think of in that moment.  I wouldn't necessarily say it's a "fear" of mine, because it is a part of life, but having my kids watch us (me and Kevin) grow old and die is something I'm not looking forward to...not because of me, but because of what my kids will have to feel and experience.

I see it daily.

Parents and their grown children in the hospital.  

A couple of weeks ago at work, I went up to the floor to do an x-ray on an inpatient.  He was in his mid 90's and there was his son, I would say close to 80, sitting by his bedside.  Dad was sleeping and his son was sitting in a chair so close to him...just watching...and waiting, waiting for him to stir, or to cough, or to open his eyes... 

After 5 minutes of me moving him around and positioning him for his x-ray, he woke up.  

As soon as I took the x-ray, his son "rushed" back to his bed, grabbed his dad's hand, and with his other free hand, he rubbed the top of his head.  He said "I love you, daddy" and the dad replied "I love yooooooou" as he made an "O" with his lips and sang the word "you".

*sigh*
I gulped and did all I could to hold the tears back.

One day, we'll be there.  

I'll be a grandma, I'll grow old, and my kids will be sitting beside me...watching and waiting.

So, not knowing how deep to take it (because I had one thousand thoughts going through my mind in 10 seconds), I simply replied with "Well, honey, when I'm a grandma, that means you're a mommy.  And you being a mommy is going to be a wooooonderful thing".

Not counting our little conversation about Makayla not wanting me to grow old, swim lessons at the college were a lot of fun...for all of us!

Mommy and daddy had fun watching Makayla learn to tackle her fears.
Mason and Mia had fun being entertained by all of the little kids swimming, splashing, and diving in.

...and Makayla had fun going under water, jumping in, going under water, kicking with a floatie, going under water, blowing bubbles, going under water, wall walking...  

She had a blast going under water!

The only thing that Makayla didn't do, because she was too scared, was jump off the diving board without any floaties.  I don't blame the girl - it's scary a thing! - especially when you don't have the security that you're always used to with arm floaties or a ring. We definitely didn't push her to jump because we were already so proud of her for accomplishing so many other things throughout the two weeks.  She did a great job!

Makayla LOVED her teacher, Casey, and brought her pictures that she colored for her.  It took Makayla a couple of days to develop trust in her, but once the trust was there and Makayla got a new pair of goggles, it was ON!  She was a fishy in the deep blue sea!  

She also loved the kids in her class...especially Gianna.  She kept calling her Shawana (Sha-Wah-Nuh) and is begging to have a play date with Shawana.  

...I'm thinking the goggles, that she refused to take off because they morphed her into a brave little swimmer, were too tight!

...until next time! I'm sure in a few more months we'll be doing more swim lessons - outside - in the heat - catching some rays - enjoying the summer weather! - I can't wait!