It's Hard To Cry Quietly

You know - It's hard to cry quietly.

The other night before I went to bed, I made my nightly rounds to kiss the kids just one more time before my day ended.

There was Makayla in a deep sleep - so peaceful, so beautiful - and I couldn't resist but to place my finger in the palm of her hand and have her fingers wrapped around my one...just like a baby.

...and that's when it started.  The tears started flowing.

Our days are limited.  

Right now, I can quietly sit on the edge of her bed - or lay with her and wrap my arms around her - and watch her sleep.  I can place my finger in her tiny hand and kiss her soft, soft cheeks.  By the glow of her nightlight, I can be left in awe of her - her perfect, little features.  

These days won't last forever, though.  

I won't always be able to watch my baby sleep by the glow of her nightlight.

...and as I sat on her bed that night, I looked around her room.

Sparkly butterflies bouncing from her ceiling, baby dolls everywhere, books strewn across her floor, dresses, jewelry boxes, and Mason's sunglasses.

Mason's sunglasses.

Just spotting those little blue sunglasses made me cry harder.

 So, here I was, crying bawling sobbing, my nose was stuffy to the point I couldn't breathe, my shirt was soaked from the tears falling, I couldn't breathe, and all the while I was trying not to make a peep for fear of waking Makayla.  

I was a crazy woman - a crazy, emotional, pregnant woman! - I was sure to scare her if I were to wake her up.

...But those sunglasses...they sent me overboard.  I just couldn't help it!  

Those sunglasses won't be around forever.

And as I sat there wondering how I am possibly going to adjust to life (in the far future, yet the way time flies, will be here before I'm ready) when my kids are grown and gone - when there are no more sparkly butterflies bouncing from the ceiling, or no more nights when I can crawl into my kids' bed and kiss their cheeks or hold their hand, or no more blue sunglasses laying around the house (and I hope the image I get in my mind of Mason wearing those blue sunglasses with a massive smile on his face thinking he's a cool dude stays with me for a long time to come)...

I thanked God for what we've been given and said to myself once again...

These are the best days of my life right now...

Hot Air Balloons in the park

Mason sleeping in his big boy bed

Makayla at the car races (wearing her Christmas dress)

Makayla's first day of preschool this year (2nd year of preschool)

My Boy - after a night of playing in the dirt and rocks

...how could these days not be the best days of my life?
I have two, almost three, beautiful perfect children.

A daughter, a son, and another daughter on the way.

My days are filled with laughter and joy, surprises and magic, milestones and achievements, innocence and purity, love and happiness.

There is always a story to be told, a lesson to be learned, and growing to be done.

I don't really like to have those nights when I cry about my kids growing up (because I know it's an amazing thing to watch your kids grow), but that's how much I love them.  

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.
-- Agatha Christie

They are everything to me and I want to cherish every single second of life with them right now and always.