Handprints

Sometimes you get discouraged

Because I am so small

And always leave my fingerprints

On furniture and walls.

But every day I'm growing -

I'll be grown some day

And all those tiny handprints

Will surely fade away.

So here's a little handprint

Just so you can recall

Exactly how my fingers looked

When I was very small.

Mason's blue handprint

Makayla's purple handprints

Aunt Nina had a big day with Makayla and Mason today!

They visited Grandma Allen at work.

They visited Grandpa Allen at work.

They visited mommy at work.

They visited daddy at work.

They took a drive through the park.

They went to Walmart.

They played with moonsand.

...and with paint on their hands and a poem that's framed - they made mommy a present.

Thank you, Aunt Nina, for our special day!

Oh, My Heart

oh my heart

We have a smart three year old little girl who loves to wear mascara and lipstick.  She can spell the word "mom" and is the best mommy to her babies (changing their diapers approximately 25 times a day).  She has a tender heart and is very aware of othe people's feelings and emotions.  She is so funny, extremely smart, and amazes me a few times every single day with her knowledge, imagination, and memory.

We have a goofy one year old boy who loves to smile and to laugh and to kiss.  I know I talk about his smile a lot, but it's a smile like none other.  It's special.  It's his gift to the world.  He loves to climb anything and everything and is really good at stuffing his mouth (his favorites this week are bananas and peanut butter sandwiches).  He is a very curious little boy, observant of his surroundings, and enjoys sitting back and letting people take care of him.

...and our smart little girl and goofy little boy had a wonderful Christmas time!  

Our very special Christmas included lots of family and friends, cookies and milk for Santa, reindeer food with glitter and oats, food and wine, peppermint coffee and hot chocolate, joy, mountains of wrapping paper, happy chaos, love, a train table that Santa brought, dolls and trucks, laughter, peace, Christmas carols, stories told and picture poses, hugs, hope, twinkles in the eyes...magic in the air...a mommy who couldn't sleep because she was too excited for Christmas morning...

...and before we knew it, Christmas was over.  The day had come and gone in the blink of an eye. It was merry while it lasted!

Sadly, everything "Christmas" is all packed up and put away except for a few remaining things: Makayla and Mason's Christmas trees that Elf put up in their rooms at the beginning of December.  The reason why I haven't taken down their trees yet is because I really really really like going into their rooms at night and watching them sleep by the glow of the Christmas lights.  The other things that haven't been put up (because they will remain out all year long) are Kenny Rogers' "Mary Did You Know" and Stevie Nicks' "Silent Night".  I love those songs and will play them all year long.

So besides the kids' trees and two Christmas songs, all that's left are a few pine needles in the carpet, lots of pictures, and good memories.

...until next year!

Don't Waste It

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

~Winnie the Pooh

It is the smallest things in life that keep you going when you think you can't...

have you noticed that?

　

Tomorrow, we’ll be going to our second funeral of the week for family members -

and in the midst of all the tears, sadness, and sorrows -

we have been surrounded by the little things in life -

those "things" that keep you going when you think you can't.

The movie theater - a fun movie with the kids, popcorn, and giggles...

Christmas lights - driving around town in the warm car listening to my kids squeal at all of the "Halloween" and Mis-mas lights...

 Cookies - The simple joy Makayla gets out of baking and dumping sprinkles and the simple joy Mason gets out of eating them... 

Family - The family that you don’t get to see all the time, but when you do, it is all the more meaningful.  Here, the Curry cousins are gathered together for a Christmas celebration.

...and one more "little" thing in life that helps me get through the hard times, and possibly the most important, are my children's hands.  Little hands to hold and to kiss.  Little hands that hold me, comfort me, and fill me with love and hope.

When times are tough, the days are long, and it's hard to keep going -
Try, try, try to keep your eyes open for those "little" things -
the little things that shine a light and make you smile.


 “Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today” - this is what was in my fortune cookie today.
How fitting is that?
The deaths in my family this past week have shown me that “tomorrow” is not promised and all we can really depend on is today.

Don’t waste it!

The Next Place

Words from Uncle David's obituary...

In each community David became a generous volunteer and pursued diverse interests in acting, reading, ice cream making, pyrotechnics, American folk music, guitar, film and much more.  Through electronics, letters written with his favorite fountain pen, or a personalized CD, David stayed in touch with many who will deeply miss his genuine interest.  Dearly loved by his many nieces and nephews, Uncle Dave would choose the gifts most adults would pass by, and therefore could be counted on to give the best and funniest gifts.

We who loved David will miss his wit, intellect, conversation, generosity, and creativity.  Our lives were enriched by his presence.

 A poem was read at my uncle's services today. 

It's beautiful, comforting, and full of hope. 

The Next Place by Warren Hanson

The next place that I go
will be as peaceful and familiar
as a sleepy summer Sunday
and a sweet, untroubled mind.

And yet….it won’t be anything like any place I’ve ever been…
or seen…or dreamed of
in the place I leave behind.

I won’t know where I’m going,
and I won’t know where I’ve been
as I tumble through the always
and look back toward the when.

I’ll glide beyond the rainbows.
I’ll drift above the sky.
I’ll fly into the wonder,
without ever wondering why.

I won’t remember getting there.
Somehow I’ll just arrive.
But I’ll know that I belong there
and will feel much more alive
than I have ever felt before.

I will be absolutely free of the things that I held onto
that were holding onto me.

The next place that I go
will be so quiet and so still
that the whispered song of sweet belonging will rise up to fill
the listening sky with joyful silence, and with unheard harmonies
of music made by no one playing,
like a hush upon a breeze.

There will be no room for darkness in that place of living light.
Where an ever-dawning morning pushes back the dying night.
The very air will fill with brilliance, as the brightly shining sun
and the moon and half a million stars are married into one.

The next place that I go
Won’t really be a place at all.
There won’t be any seasons—winter, summer, spring or fall—
Nor a Monday,
Nor a Friday,
Nor December,
Nor July.
And the seconds will be standing still…
while the hours hurry by.

I will not be a boy
or girl,
a woman
or a man.
I’ll simply be just,
simply me.
No worse or better than.

My skin will not be dark or light.
I won’t be fat or tall.
The body I once lived in
won’t be part of me at all.

I will finally be perfect.
I will be without a flaw.

I will never make one more mistake,
or break the smallest law.

And the me that was impatient,
or was angry or unkind,
will simply be a memory.
The me I left behind.

I will travel empty-handed.
There is not one single thing
I have collected in my life
that I would ever want to bring
except….
The love of those who loved me,
and the warmth of those who cared.
The happiness and memories
and magic that we shared.

Though I will know the joy of solitude…
I’ll never be alone.
I’ll be embraced
by all the family and friends
I’ve ever known.
Although I might not see their faces,
all our hearts will beat as one,
and the circle of our spirits
Will shine brighter than the sun.

Ecclesiastes 3

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,

   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,

   a time to tear down and a time to build,

 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,

   a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,

   a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,

   a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,

   a time for war and a time for peace.

____________________________________________________________

So, we have this elf.

A gift, a tradition, given to us a couple weeks ago by my Uncle Dave and Aunt Nancy.

Last night, Elf was busy!

Throughout the night, Elf gathered most of the stuffed animals in the house and read Christmas stories to them by the light of the tree.

This is what Makayla walked down to this morning...

Her animals on the couch.

Elf with a book in hand. 

__________________________________________________________________________

It's going to be hard work during the next couple of weeks to keep the JOY of Christmas alive.

My Uncle Dave passed away this morning.

Unexpectedly.

I feel like part of my world should come to a screeching halt

...but I know that it can't, and it won't.

Unexpected deaths are enough to rattle your body and open your eyes to life, but it has an even greater impact when someone you love passes away around the holidays, a couple of weeks before Christmas. 

Of course, I'm filled with sadness that my uncle has died.  I wasn't prepared for this.  I wasn't ready. 

But I know that my sadness doesn't even compare to his siblings, and definitely not his wife's.  And trying to comprehend their sadness fills me with even more tears.

The hardest part about death for me, are the ones left here on Earth.  My Uncle Dave is safe and no longer has to bear the sufferings and pain of this Earth.  While he is now an angel in Heaven, all of his friends and family are grieving.  Watching people cry, be mad, and be sad, is what breaks my heart. 

It's the process of people trying to figure out how to continue living a life without him is what breaks me. 

Elf is tied to a sadness right now and it's going to be really difficult to make him magical in the eyes of Makayla every night.  Everytime I pick that little elf up, I know I'm going to be overcome with all sorts of grief, emotions, and memories.  As easy as it would be for me to pack Elf up and not put myself through that extra reminder every night, I could never do that to my kids.  I need to keep our new tradition going and not be sad to do it, but be thankful that Uncle Dave was the giver of Elf.

 thank you loving us and loving my children. 

thank you for the memories.

you were a good man.

i will miss you, uncle dave.

Jesus Is Nice

12/9/11 - Makayla told me that Jesus is really nice and that he lives far, far away just like Santa.

Four Loves

I love her so much!

*I love that she calls her Magna Doodle her Magnet Noodle.

*She clears her throat over and over and over again.  When I ask her to stop, she tells me that she can't because there's a frog in her.

*Poopy, poop, and butt are the funniest words in the world right now.

*I love how she always says "I'm sooooo svetty, I'm hot".

I love him so much! 

*I love how he smiles his smile - the smile that radiates from his eyes, cheeks, and lips - the smile that reaches through and touches your heart - the smile that always receives a smile in return - I love that smile.  He's always spreading joy and making somebody feel special.

*Popcicles, baked beans, cottage cheese, pizza, and cereal are Mason's top five favorite foods...this week, anyway.

*Listening to him sing Justin Bieber's "Baby" makes me proud, along with watching him dance to any beat his little ears hear. 

*I love how he lights up my life...in a million different ways.

Jumpstart

It was the first weekend of December - a weekend to jumpstart the Christmas holiday for us!

Kevin and I enjoyed a fun night at the ALMH Christmas Party.  Good food, good drinks, good company, and good music! 

Yesterday, we ventured out for our traditional walk around Talbotts, in search of the "perfect" Christmas tree.

Normally, we're out there for a few hours, but yesterday, was a quick trip.  In just a short hour of our searching, we found it!

...and Makayla got to help daddy cut it down.

After we cut down the tree, we took the kids on a tractor ride around the farm and had a nice warm cup of apple cider.  Going to Talbotts has been a tradition for our family for as long as I can remember and it's a tradition that I'm going to carry on with my children.

Every year we always find The Perfect Tree.  Here's our perfect tree this year!

We of course had to cut about a foot off the bottom and foot off the top.  We always seem to get our trees too big!

And besides Christmas parties and tree decorating, we've been having a fun time with Elf.  He always has us searching high and low for him every morning!  We've found him sitting in our Christmas tree, laying on top of the tank watching the hermit crabs, and hiding in the refrigerator where he magically turned the milk green!  Yesterday morning, we found him sleeping in Makayla's underwear drawer!!

Here he's watching the crabs with one eye peeking out so he can still keep watch on the kids!

 When Makayla saw that he turned her milk green she said "eeeew, that's gross!", but then she quickly said "but I like it like that!!"...

I think she was afraid she hurt Elf's feelings that she said it was gross, so that's why she said she liked it green.  She made daddy taste it first and when he said it tasted good, she was good to go!

...there he is, sleeping in her underwear drawer!

I'm pretty sure Elf has some pretty neat ideas up his sleeve, but just has to find the energy at the end of the day to do them!

So far, December has been pretty good!  Santa visits, cookies, Christmas decorations, Christmas music...and soon we're going to start our Christmas shopping and hopefully enjoy the beauty of snowflakes within the next couple of days. 

Makayla's already telling me that I can't eat yellow snow!

Elf

Around 4am this morning, Makayla came to our room.  She whispered to me "I love you".  I smiled, snatched her up, and cuddled close to her. 

Around 4:15am she said she had to go potty.  I took her to the bathroom and helped her up on to the potty.  After a few long seconds of silence, our conversation went as follows:

Makayla:  Elf is sitting on a Christmas tree in my room...(kind of in shock)

Me:  What?

Makayla:  Elf is sitting on a Christmas tree in my room!

Me:  What in the world are you talking about?!

Makayla:  There is a Christmas tree in my room!!

Me:  Really?! 

Makayla:  Come see!!

...with each one of her sentences becoming more and more filled with excitement and belief, realizing that maybe she wasn't dreaming...!

So at 4:15 in the morning, we went upstairs to Makayla's room.  Wide awake, she excitedly pointed to the Christmas tree in her room -

 ...and sure enough, there was a tree!  A little purple tree with white lights and Elf sitting on the branch.  He put up this Christmas tree and left pretty little ornaments, garland, and a star for her to decorate with. 

We peeked in Mason's room and to our surprise saw another tree - a little blue tree with white lights and a pile of ornaments, garland, and a star for him to decorate with.

Talk about MAGIC!!

Makayla was so excited and is convinced that Santa told Elf to put up the Christmas trees because she has had a dry pull-up for five nights in a row now!  I keep telling her that it's okay if she didn't have a dry pull-up.  I told her that I think Elf put the trees up because Santa is so happy that her and Mason have been so good! 

She also can't believe that she didn't even hear Elf when he was putting the tree in her room!

Tonight after dinner, we had a fun time decorating their little trees.

This whole day has been just as magical for me as it has been for Makayla!!

*********************************************

So...Who is Elf?

Elf (name picked by Makayla) is one of Santa's elves.  He is magical! 

Every night he flies to the North Pole to report to Santa if the kids have been good or bad.  He tells Santa all of the good things that the kids do and how nice they are to each other.  He also tells Santa when the kids misbehave and don't listen to their mommy and daddy or anybody else who takes care of them or teaches them things.

Elf flies back to our house every morning and is always back before the kids wake up.  When they wake up they have to find him and when they do find them, they usually find a funny surprise with him - like the Christmas trees!

I think Makayla was a little scared of Elf when he first came to our house because she kept telling us that she didn't like him and every time she misbehaved and I reminded her that Elf was watching, she would break down and bawl.  I'm pretty sure that any fear she had of Elf is gone since he's left Christmas trees, though!  I keep telling her that Elf is good and he's here to look over them - to make sure they are being nice and to make sure they are happy and safe. 

From now until Christmas, our days are going to be filled with excitment and magic because we're going to have a tiny little elf keeping us busy with *surprises!! 

...I'm pretty sure I'm going to have some great things to blog about within the next month!!

*Thanks to my Uncle D and Aunt N, we have started a new family tradition!

Art Book

Sunday Morning Art

Still in her Justin Bieber tshirt from the day before, Makayla woke up Sunday morning excited to paint with watercolors from QTips.

My kids LOVE to make art.  They love to color, paint, cut, glue, sprinkle glitter, experiment, and make a mess!

I could save their art forever, filled in a tub, stored in the closet...

...or I could make a book of their art.

Pretty soon, Makayla is going to accumulate enough art for her first book.  I plan to take a picture of each piece of art and create a book on Shutterfly. 

Here are the first set of pictures I've taken of her art.  Each piece of art will have it's own page in the book.

...Just another book of memories and something fun to flip through and look back on!



Here With Our Family

Happy Thanksgiving!!

These past few days have been busy. 

A good busy. 

They've been family-filled, food-filled, and fun-filled!

On Thanksgiving day, Makayla and Mason got to go to both of their great grandma's homes - Great Grandma Allen and Great Grandma McWilliams.  How lucky are they?  Not only do Makayla and Mason still have two great grandmas still here, able, and independent, but they get to see them whenever they want.  They get to grow up with knowing the love of their great grandmas.  And not only are they lucky to have their great grandmas, but they are lucky to grow up in a world surrounded by their family.  

Family is so important and since having kids I couldn't imagine living our life away from our family. 

I know some people are in situations where they don't have a choice, but I thank God every day that we are here.  Here with our family. It's the best thing for our kids.

And for those of our family who do have to live away, we are so thankful that they come 'home' to visit and play.  We always look forward to our special time with them.

Aunt Nina with our two little booger butts on Thanksgiving!

***************************************************************

Friday morning - BLACK Friday - Kevin took the kids shopping for Christmas jammies...and he took his grandma.  Makayla and Mason picked out a pair of cute Christmas jammies and Makayla loved them so much she was insistant on wearing them around the mall.  So, of course, Kevin dressed her in the new jammies and sent me a picture, because while they were out braving the hustle and bustle, I was at work.  The picture of Makayla in her jammies put a smile on my face.

Makayla had a great morning - Daddy, Mason, Great Grandma Mac, the Mall, cookies, Christmas jammies...what more could a little girl want on a Friday morning?

Again - one more reason why I would never choose to leave here - Makayla was sooo excited to take her great grandma shopping with her!...and I'm sure Great Grandma Mac was just as excited to go with Makayla!

*****************************************************************

That afternoon, Kevin and the kids picked me up from work and we headed to Osaka!!

Osaka is a Japanese restaurant, Hibachi and Sushi Bar, that I'm in love with!

We were meeting Grandma and Grandpa Allen, Aunt Nina, and Scot for a fun night around the grill.

 Mason loves Osaka just as much as I do.  He squealed and clapped with every burst of fire on the grills, he looooved the noodles, and had a great time flirting with all the cute girls at the next table.

The chef would throw rice and we'd have to catch it in our mouth.  Makayla wanted to give it a try, so Nina played the chef and Makayal opened her mouth wide!

 

Again - one more reason why I would never choose to leave here - Grandma and Grandpa Allen are here.  And so are Grandma and Grandpa Curry.  Makayla and Mason's grandparents are the four biggest and best influences in their lives.  I know it will be years and years from now before my kids ever realize how lucky they were to grow up with their grandparents just down the street and I know it will be years and years from now before they will appreciate it.

**********************************************************************

Yesterday, Makayla had a lunch/movie date with her cousins - Bieber shirt and all.  We met at McDonalds to eat a little and play a lot, then we headed to the theaters to watch Arthur Christmas.  After the movies, we went back to Ky and Kole's house so the kids could play for a little bit.  They ate pizza and breadsticks and then each of them grabbed a spoon and ate Egg Nog ice cream right out of the carton.  They were in heaven.  Their mommy and I enjoyed the playdate just as much as the kids did.  It's one of the best feelings in the world when you can see your kids playing together, having fun, and forming bonds that will last a lifetime.

Again - one more reason why I would never choose to leave here - Makayla and Mason have Kyleigh, Kole, Aunt Jenny, and Uncle Andy...and Makayla loves them soooo much.

*********************************************************************

 Thankfulness is a choice - one that we have to make in all situations - not just the good.

The Things They Say

Most nights, Makayla and daddy will go downstairs to lay in our bed and watch whatever sport is in season.  Last night, she must not have been in the mood for sports, or possibly not in the mood to lay down.  She kept going from upstairs to downstairs and back upstairs.  She'd lay in bed with daddy for a bit then run upstairs and lay on the couch for some Sprout.  On maybe her 5th run to the couch, I asked her what daddy was doing down there (there, being our bedroom).  She said he was "watching damn football". 

For the past couple of months, Makayla will randomly bust out the story of the day Mason was born.  She'll tell us that she cried and mommy cried and daddy cried when Mason was born.  She always says that we cried because we were so happy.  When she tells this story, especially the part about being so happy, she gets all warm and glows with a big smile.  Her eyes disappear in her smile.  Well...the other day when she told Mason that we all cried when he was born, I asked her why we cried.  She looked at me, and with a dream-like voice, said "It was magic!"...

Our Vacations

Mommy and daddy went to Mexico and Key West.

While we were cruising, we made some unforgettable memories with family and friends. 

We layed on the beach; mommy went kayaking and daddy went para-sailing over the ocean in Cozumel; we went snorkeling and got massages on the beach; walked Duval Street in Key West and visited some of the more popular bars on the island; ate a lot of good food and tasted some escargot and alligator; dressed up in fancy clothes; watched a sunset in Key West and won a conch blowing contest.

 We took lots of pictures, tried new things, and let loose.  We danced, we sang, we laughed. 

It was a beautiful vacation.

Makayla and Mason went on vacation to Grandma and Grandpa Curry's house. 

While on 'vacation' at grandma and grandpa's house, the kids had a lot of fun.  They did a lot of crafts; baked a lot - cookies, muffins, and more cookies; went on a field trip with school to the Festival of Trees; made a few trips to McDonalds (and had a lot of soda.  Ssshhhh...don't tell daddy); visited Grandpa Allen's work and had an exciting night out with Grandpa Allen; opened presents every night from mommy and daddy; ate a lot; and kept their same every day routine of going to school and going to daycare.  The kids had fun, played a lot, and kept busy. 

They were taken care of.  Grandma Curry even rearranged her living room to ease my fear of Mason falling through the rails of their bi-level house. 

They were in the hands and home of someone I trusted with my whole being.

...and that's what made this trip bearable.

As much fun as Kevin and I had on our trip, there were times that my heart was elsewhere.  My heart was being tugged in the direction of home - home with my babies.  And no matter what we were doing or where we were at, Makayla and Mason were always on my mind. 

I appreciate my time alone with Kevin, my mom, my sister, and our friends.  I am thankful for the rest and relaxtion under the sun without a care in the world. I enjoyed having zero responsibility.  It was exciting to lay out at the pool and not have to keep my eyes and ears peeled on my kids.  It was enjoyable to go to dinner all week and not have to let my food get cold while I cut up food and fed the kids.  It really was a great time...but that's not who I am or what I'm meant to do. 

I love being  a mommy.   I love experiencing life with my kids.  I love sharing my time and life with Makayla and Mason. And while I soaked in every single amazing minute of our vacation alone, I probably would not choose to be away from my kids for that long (6 days) again.  Don't get me wrong! - I'll take another vacation 'kidless', because it was absolutely lovely!, but just not for that long amount of time. 

I missed them so badly and by the 4th day, I was so home-sick for them.  I couldn't wait to walk in the door to see their faces and hear their voices.

...and once I picked them up and held them, it was like not a moment had passed.  All the anxiety, excitement, and nervousness of leaving them for a week and seeing them for the first time was gone.  We were all together again - happy, laughing, Mason was giggling, Makayla was hugging strong, and we were left standing there with memories of a wonderful week - happy to be together again.