A couple of nights ago, Kevin and I took the kids to the circus. It was a 'one ring' circus and we sat front row - RIGHT on the edge of the ring. Two motorcycles rode together in a metal sphere, there was a boxing kangaroo, dancers, clowns, ponies, and elephants. Mason sat on my lap the entire time with a beautiful smile on his face. Makayla ate nachos, rode a pony, and took walks everytime the clowns came out due to her newly discovered fear of clowns.
It's moments like a night at the circus, a day at the aquarium, or an evening playing in the yard that tuck me into bed at night and send me off into sweet dreams.
You know when you finally get to snuggle under the covers at night and lay your head on the pillow and your mind just won't let you go to sleep? Your body is begging for rest, but your mind isn't about ready to allow it. I have one or two, sometimes three things, the same issues/subjects, that play over and over again. What can I change? What if I would have done this or said that? What can we do better?...the same questions, the same thoughts, over and over again...over and over again...my mind is racing...
But then I stop. Take in a deep breath. Close my eyes. Thank God for my life and realize...
...I realize that Kevin and I do the best that we can in this life every single day. We are happy, very happy, with where we are at and what we have been given. We have amazing friends and family. I shouldn't question anything in my life. Why am I wasting my time trying to change things or fix things that can't be changed or fixed? Why am I wasting my time wondering what if...or why...? Why do I waste my time letting the 'drama' and the dirt of life seep into our happiness, our home?
...I realize that I need to live in the moment and soak in what we have now. So...I stop. Take in a deep breath. Close my eyes. Thank God for my life and start thinking about my babies. My beautiful babies.
Mason's hands are getting bigger. Everyday he is getting closer to holding my hand in his.
Makayla is getting smarter. She learned last night that her name starts with the letter "M".
I think about our times together. I think about their experience at the circus and how much that meant to them (the kids) and us (the parents).
I close my eyes and see Mason's smile and hear Makayla's giggle.
I close my eyes and feel Mason's soft cheek against my lips and Makayla's arms around my neck.
I close my eyes. I feel them. I see them. I hear them. I think about them.
That's what I fall asleep to at night. I fall asleep to my loves, with a smile on my face.
That was beautiful:) The love that we give to our children and receive from our children is the core of what life is about.
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