My Wedding Gown

...and the greatest of these is love.

  

The picture above was taken almost 10 years ago.
Wow.
10 years. 
That doesn't seem possible.

...and to think, for almost 10 years, my beautiful wedding gown had been in a bag, folded in half, laying in the bottom of a closet.

 

When my wedding night came to an end, I took the dress off, hung it on a hanger, put it in the bag it came in, and hung it in the closet. 
I didn't open the bag again until years later.
I never cleaned the dress, I never preserved the dress, I never had another thought again about the dress.

 

When the time came for us to move and we were packing things up, I came across the dress in it's bag.  What could I do with it?

I didn't want it.

I didn't want to keep it as a keepsake.

I knew my girls wouldn't want to wear it on their wedding day. Isn't that one of the best parts of planning a wedding - searching for your perfect dress?

I thought about turning my gown into a quilt.  Eh.

People suggested making a christening gown for any future grandchildren or whatever.

Making a tree skirt for our Christmas tree crossed my mind.

I think some people "trash" their dress - like wearing at the beach and getting pictures taken frolicking in the ocean with their husband...

After spending a lot of time tossing around different ideas, I came up with the perfect idea.  

 

First, on a warm September evening, I took Makayla and Mia out to the park at sunset.
I dressed them up in my wedding dress and took pictures of them.

pictures of my girls wearing my wedding dress.

beautiful.

lovely.

makes me tear up a bit.

makayla - age 6

mia - age 1

Then, I cut a piece off of my wedding dress -

I will put a piece of my wedding dress into two necklaces, one for each of my daughters to wear on their wedding day for their "something old".

Lastly, I cleaned away any stains that were on my dress and donated it to Allison's Angel Gowns.

"Allison’s Angel Gowns was created in honor of my infant daughter Allison, who passed away in December 2012 at one day old. Allison had full Trisomy 13. One of the things I struggled the most with was what to dress Allison in for her funeral. Finally, I was given a bereavement gown as a gift from my Pastor for her to wear. Allison’s Angel Gowns was started in 2014 as a way to help other bereaved parents that are new to the journey of child loss. We take gently used wedding gowns and transform them into beautiful gowns for angel babies. Our gowns come in four different sizes to fit from the smallest preemie to a full term baby. Currently we serve the St Louis and Metro East area hospitals. Our angel gowns are offered free of charge to anyone who loses a child and would like one. We run strictly on donations and are always accepting gently used wedding gowns, and always looking for skilled seamstresses to help us in our ministry" 

Allison's Angel Gowns has a website and a FB page.  On their FB page, they post pictures of every completed angel gown they create and from whose wedding dress they come from.  I go to their page often, scanning through the pictures, excited to possibly run across my name.  

 

So, between all of my wedding pictures with me wearing my gown, the pictures I took of my girls wearing my gown, and the piece of fabric from my wedding gown that will be worn around my daughter's necks at their weddings, there is no need for me to keep my wedding dress bagged up in the bottom of a closet forever.  I couldn't think of anything better to do with  my gown than to donate it to Allison's Angel Gowns.

If you ever consider getting rid of or doing something with your wedding gown, won't you consider Allison's Angel Gowns or any other organization that creates angel gowns?


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UPDATE

14 months later (because Allison's Angel Gowns is blessed beyond measure to be working with an over abundance of wedding gowns) I have finally been able to see the gifts that my wedding dress has become -

These little teeny tiny angel gowns...

gowns that will be given to parents during the darkest moment of their lives...

gowns that will be worn by babies that will never get to go home...

gowns that  will be worn by newborns, fresh in this world...

beautiful, one-of-kind pieces of clothing that will be worn for pictures or burial...

I know the donation of my wedding dress to be made into these angel gowns doesn't make the heavy sorrow any better, but it is one way to let them know that somebody cares that their baby was here.
When I first saw these pictures of what my dress had become, I was nearly brought to tears.  My heart began to race and I my tummy turned a little bit.  I was filled with a mixture of  joy and sadness...overwhelmed with emotions.

heartbreakingly

beautiful 

Thank you to Allison's Angel Gowns and all of the volunteers that make this process possible - from collecting the dresses, to cleaning them, to sewing them, and to distributing them.
God bless you all.

Lovers of Life

You guys.

Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that life is going by too quickly.

And I don't like it.

I don't like it at all.

The other night, all three of my kids were snuggled under the covers with me in my bed.

I don't encourage them to come to bed with me, but at the same time, I don't discourage it.
Sometimes I feel like the time spent in my bed with my kids at the end of the day is the best part of the day.

They're snuggly, cuddly, giggly...and they talk to me.  They tell me stories about their day and they ask me questions - deep questions like "what do we look like in heaven" type questions.  

But the other night, when they were all climbing into bed with me, that overwhelming feeling struck me.

It struck me so hard, that I think my chin quivered.

It was Mia.

She was covering herself up, her blonde curls just a bouncing, and she looked over at me with a huge smile on her face and said (in her oh so sweet voice) "potty in big potty".  She had used the big girl potty several times that day and she was just so excited for herself.

It was then.

My chin quivered and my breath was short.

My babies are growing up.

And I know I say that all the time, but sometimes it just hits me harder than usual.

Most days, I love that my kids are growing bigger and older and more independent.  I love it.  I love watching them grow into the people that they're supposed to be and I love watching them learn and spread their wings...

but sometimes...

like the other night...

I wanted time to stop.

Stop right there.

I couldn't bare the thought of losing that moment (my 3 kids safe in my arms and their sweet innocence) and the things my kids bring to this life right now.

There's Makayla -

She's a growing six year old girl who loves Monicals Pizza and broccoli.

(the picture above is after dinner at monicals - she was a beast and ate a gross amount of pizza that night).

She's super smart and enjoys spending time on the computer - typing out word lists, sentences, or letters to people.

She's very into creating chore charts and finding ways to make and save money.  I find myself paying her the most for, not chores, but back rubs and massages.

Below is something she's made to hang on the refrigerator that we can all put our money in when we earn it.

I love the way her mind works.

She's smart, a deep thinker, and very nurturing and 

While she's growing bigger and maturing with each passing day, she'll always be my baby.

Then, there's Mason - 

He's smart, he's a goofball, and he melts my heart.  

He melts it every day.

He's too cute for his own good.

His eyes hold an enormous amount of expression and he loves to hug.

He's one of the best huggers I know.

He, too, is a deep thinker just like Makayla...always asking questions and trying to figure things out.

(while i know this is not super deep, for a 4 year old boy, I'm sure it was a major revolution)

A couple of months ago, he came out of the bathroom so excited saying

"mom!  i know why my weiner has a crack in it!"

Worried, because I wasn't sure what kind of crack he was talking about, I asked him "why".

He said

"so my pee can come out!!"

duh.

While he gets stronger and smarter (learning to write) with each passing day,  he'll always be my baby.

Finally, there's Mia - 

She's growing up way way way too fast.

She talks all the time, sleeps in a big girl bed, and has been going on the potty more and more.

The other night, she thought she had to poop, so we rush to the bathroom and she's sitting on the potty and she farts toots.  It echoed in the bowl and Mia lost it.  She died laughing.  She laughed so hard, she went silent.  Her body was bobbing up and down, he mouth was open wide, and she began drooling.  I know it was that feel-good laugh when your lips go numb from laughing so hard and long.

...all because her toot echoed in the toilet bowl - a sound she'd never heard before.

Mia is awesome at using her eyes to communicate; when we tell her we love her, she always responds back with "thank you"; and her vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds.  

She's such a happy soul and while she's growing bigger and gaining more independence with each passing day, she'll always be my baby.

So...

while I may have my moments of a quivering chin when I'm trying to catch my breath because I need time to stop right now, those moments only last for a minute or two...or three or four.

Those moments last long enough for me to give thanks for what I've been given.

They last long enough for me to open my eyes to my reality - thatlife is good and I'm so blessed to live it with Kevin and our kids. 

While I love love love what my kids bring to our life right now, the joy of being able to witness and be a part of what they will continue to bring to this world is amazing.

They are lovers of life...

and I pray that they always will be.

BOXES and BIRTHDAYS

It has been over 20 days since I've blogged.
Ugh.
That's not like me!...and there's a little part of me that feels like I'm drowning because of it.

Drowning in a sea of everything that means the most to me - life is going on all around me and I'm scared of forgetting it, scared of losing it.  

Sound strange?
I'm sure it does.

But without me making it a priority to set aside time to sit down and blog, I feel like I lose my perspective on what matters most in life. This blog helps me to not take for granted the little things and to be thankful in all things.  And it helps me to never forget...to never forget the things that I want to hold onto for...ever.  I want to remember how we felt on Mason's first day of preschool, I want to remember how we felt when Makayla lost her first tooth, I want to remember how we felt when Mia joined our family...
I want to remember all those conversations with my babies - the conversations that make me laugh so hard my lips turn numb, or the conversations that tug at my heart so much so that it brings tears to my eyes.
When I can't (or when I don't) document these moments in time - the milestones, the pictures, the conversations - our every day life, I feel like I'm drowning.  I feel lost.

Could I work on that?  Could I work on not feeling that way if I didn't blog?
Of course.

Do I want to?
I don't think so.
The reward of this blog is too great to give up.

What I, and my family, will be able to hold in our hands years down the road is not something I am willing to bring to an end quite yet.

So, with that being said, what's been going on for the past 20 days?

BOXES 

and
BIRTHDAYS!

In the midst of selling our home and buying a new one...

we've been surrounding ourselves with boxes...

and empty shelves...

We've spent the last couple of weeks packing -
Packing up our lives and packing up what's been our home for the last 10 years.

(more on this topic to come in the following weeks)

And in between the days of packing, we've celebrated a few birthdays!

Makayla turned SIX!

Grandma Curry turned SIXTY!

and Mason turned FOUR!

We Mommy and daddy opted out of throwing big birthday parties for the kids this year!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I don't feel like having or not having birthday parties makes the day any more or less special.

The day is what you make it!

Makayla's birthday was a day for her!  We celebrated her turning SIX years old!
She started her day out with us singing "Happy Birthday" to her over cinnamon rolls,

and ended her day with us singing "Happy Birthday" to her over ice cream cake at Grandma and Grandpa Allen's.
In between, she celebrated with her friends at school with cookies and kool-aid.
We let her pick where she wanted to have her birthday dinner and she chose Olive Garden with Grandma and Grandpa Curry (good choice, baby girl!).  She ate all of her ravioli and the waiter delivered her a special dessert.
Between cinnamon rolls, ice cream cake, dessert at Olive Garden, goodies at school, and opening presents, she had a pretty great day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandma Curry turned 60 years old and we celebrated her birthday with a wiener roast with family and friends.
I put together a very special gift for grandma that included all of her grand kids (minus gage and reagyn) - "60 Reasons Why We Love Grandma".  It's a gift that came from the heart that she will cherish forever.

60 little tickets with messages of love and appreciation, tucked away in a jar with the hymn "Count Your Blessings" wrapped around the treasure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mason's birthday was a day for HIM! We celebrated him turning FOUR years old!

His day started out with breakfast at Hardees (his choice) and ended with us singing "Happy Birthday" to him over cake with the grandparents.

In between, he celebrated with his friends at school with Spider Man fruit snacks and kool-aid.  

We let him pick where he wanted to have his birthday dinner and he chose McDonalds (big deal to him because surprisingly it's not a place we go to too often)

Between breakfast at Hardees, treats with his friends at school, dinner at McDonalds, cake, and presents, he had a pretty great day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

life is good 

Had Kevin Named Our Children

Hello!

Welcome to the crazy, exciting, non-stop, organized chaos that we call Our Life.

Meet Bindi, Derek, and Destiny...

For real.

Had Kevin named our children, we wouldn't have a Makayla, Mason, and Mia...but we would have a Bindi, Derek, and Destiny.

I'm not lying.

 Bindi - after the Crocodile Hunter's daughter.  

i don't know

don't ask

...while I played along in Kevin's name game with him for awhile, I threw Bindi out the window long before Makayla came along.
Makayla Ann is my Makayla and there is no better name for her!

Derek - after some football player (i think)

While I do really like the name Derek, I couldn't put Derek Curry together.  I don't like how the letter sound runs together from the first name to the last.

Derek Curry might be confused for Dera Curry.

While I did consider the name Derek for a teeny tiny bit, one day it just came to me that my son was going to be named Mason.  Mason Allen.

I can't imagine this handsome little boy being named anything other than Mason.

(his middle name, allen, coming from my maiden name)

And then there would be Destiny - because Kevin is convinced that our youngest was conceived in Destin, FL.

 ha.

my goodness.

Not counting the wide eyed stares I gave Kevin, I never did entertain the name Destiny.
While I had a hard time finding a name for our youngest, it wasn't until about a week before her arrival that I knew she was a Mia.  Miss Mia Grace.  Perfect.

So, had Kevin named our children...

Maxine. Obsessed.

About 1 year ago, Makayla began talking about my mommy's mommy (my mom's mom, my grandma).

And when I say "talking" I mean "obsessing".

For a year now, 

Makayla prays for her,

draws pictures of her,

and talks about her routinely.

My grandma has been gone for over 10 years now.
Makayla has never met her, I don't have framed pictures of her around the house (but thinking about changing that), and she's rarely brought up in conversation.

I do not know what brought about this obsession.

Makayla prays for her at home, school, and church.  Throughout the year, we've had notes sent home to us saying that "Makayla prayed for her mommy's grandma today".

She will randomly draw pictures of  her - pictures of her laying in bed, pictures of her in a field of flowers...

Whenever someone passes away, Makayla will let us know that he or she is probably up in heaven playing cards with Maxine.

It's kind of creepy.

About a month ago, I decided I'd show Makayla a couple of pictures I had of my grandma...because up until this point, Makayla had never even seen a picture of her.
(why i find it even more strange to have an obsession over someone she has never seen before).

All Makayla could say when looking at these pictures was

"Awwww, look at her cute blonde hair!!"

Well, tonight the kids and I started an adventure.
We chased a rainbow.
We were trying to get to the end of it and while the kids were having a blast and falling into the magic of it all, I started to get bored of it after about 30 minutes.

Driving through the country, we passed a cemetery and it jogged my memory of a conversation we had with Makayla a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago, as we drove past a cemetery, Makayla asked if that was Maxine's cemetery (yet, just another strange - out of the blue - conversation about Maxine with Makayla)...so, remembering her being inquisitive about where Maxine was buried, I got the idea of taking her out to my grandma's grave.

Makayla was excited!

Upon seeing her grave Makayla got sad and said "awwwww, poor maxine".  She said she was sad and felt bad for Maxine because she passed away.

I told her not to be sad because Maxine is in Heaven!!  There's no better place than Heaven and she is SO happy right now.

Makayla wanted to "bury her body up".  I told her we couldn't dig her up...that she's buried super deep and all we would find are bones.  Her bones are here, but here spirit is up in Heaven with Jesus.
(thank goodness she didn't ask me what 'spirit' was)

Then she wanted to know who carried her body here (to her grave) and I told her that big strong men did.

She had good questions and I couldn't believe I was actually having this conversation with my 5 year old daughter who was SO intrigued and SO happy to be talking about Maxine and to finally be seeing where she was buried.

While walking around the cemetery, Makayla wanted to know how my grandma died.  

My grandma surprisingly died in her sleep one night at home so no one really knows why she died, but I told Makayla that she died of a broken heart because that's what I truly believe.

My grandma died a couple years after my grandpa's death and without having any known sickness or health issues, I believe that she missed my grandpa too much to live on.  I like to think that he came in the night and took her up to Heaven with him.

But...of course, Makayla asked me how her heart broke, which led into conversation about my grandpa, what his name was (weldon), how he died (sick lungs), and how much my grandma loved him.

It got deep.

I was trying to think of a way to get to the shallow end when all of sudden Makayla threw her arms up in the air and got terribly upset because there were not flowers on Maxine's grave!!

  

Man, that girl!! - she's always amazing me.

I made a promise on the way back to the car that we would get flowers and bring them back to Maxine's grave soon.

I know Makayla won't forget...

Thank you, Makayla, for making me miss my grandma more than I ever have...

 and thank you for bringing her to my thoughts almost daily.  

Thank you for forcing me to speak her name and to remember life with her.